Ps.

24Feb12

I hate not being able to talk to anyone. Not about a general subject either. A very touchy and sensitive subject. I can’t just go out and tell everyone, or any of my friends or family what happened either. I mean I told close, immediate family; mom, aunt, sister. And my one of my best friends. But it’s not something I could discuss with anyone else. Everyone will make a huge deal out of this situation, and make me do something I don’t want to….. But I just wish I could talk about it… I feel like I’m restrained about it because I don’t want to make it any bigger than it already is. I don’t want to be pushed to do something about it, nor do I want anything bad happening. Just wish I could forget it I guess. Ahh fuck. I just have to go to vibs. I hate support groups. I hate therapy. I hate talking to strangers. And I hate being analyzed and all that bullshit. But I don’t know where I stand with this..whole situation. I don’t know how I’m taking it. It’s happened before, so I’m dealing with it better this time around because I’ve learned how to overcome  it in the past. I’m just worried about going backwards, and spiraling back into depression mode. I’m probably in denial. And I’m trying to forget any of it happened. But whatever. Going to bite the bullet, and just go to a group. The more I try to ignore it, the more it will come back and smack me in the face.

Why does history constantly repeat itself?……

“How long, O Lord?  Will you forget me forever?
How long will You hide Your face from me?
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?”Psalm 13:1-2

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