Wake me up

06Mar12

I asked someone recently some questions I’ve had about life for quite some time. And I asked this person because I knew he’d give me a different perspective on the topic, as he always has in the past. He was always great at showing me things in a different light; making me see the bigger picture at hand.

1/ Why do bad things happen to good people?

2/ Why does history feel the need to repeat itself?

3/ Why do I feel like most people in the world, are living their lives to find happiness? Why doesn’t happiness come along with life? Why has the main goal in life been to achieve this thing called “happiness?” Does it even exist?

He said they were very hard questions to answer, and that many people feel the same way I do.

Why, though? Why is it a constant battle, day-to-day, to achieve something that seems completely unobtainable? Why do people who work hard, live right, have great morals, and values, struggle, just to smile each day naturally? Sometimes, I don’t even think I’ve ever felt it. True happiness, that is. I feel like life, shouldn’t be a struggle. It shouldn’t be worrying each day if there is enough money to pay the bills. It shouldn’t be a single parent, struggling to feed her child. It shouldn’t be a child, avoiding school, because they are afraid of being bullied. It shouldn’t be full of misery, and despair, loneliness, depression, anxiety….(I could go on forever.) Life should be simple. Happiness should be built in, like buying a toy that already comes with batteries. Why is everyday, a constant struggle, to get up, and just be. To just live. I know I don’t only speak for myself here. And I’m sure, there are millions of others in this world, who have it ten times worse than I do. I don’t want a pity party. I just would like to understand the meaning of it all. Sometimes, I feel like we’re supposed to live life to suffer. Why? What’s the point in suffering anyway? To expand our knowledge? To give us experience? I’m not sure. And I’m getting a tad irritated that I’m living my life, just to find these answers out.

So then he told me, that unfortunately, we wouldn’t know true happiness, without all of the bad crap that happens in our life.

Okay, touche.

But I still don’t understand why people just cannot seem to be naturally happy. Why can’t humans, go through life, without difficulties, and pressure, and just be able to smile at the end of the day, and say, “I’m glad to be alive.” I know there are many people out there who can, and actually do this, but in reality, do you really feel that way? Is life ever really, simple, and sweet? Maybe I’m over analyzing things. Maybe life really is simple, I just haven’t found the simple way to go about it yet.

Anyway, it brings me back to everything I’ve ever been through. I’ve experienced some things people will never see, and I’ve experienced things people life through each day. I do know that without all of the hardships I’ve encountered, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I do know, that I have a meaning in life. (Although, it’s hard to figure out what that meaning is yet.) And I also know, I still have so much experiencing to do, and my life hasn’t even really begun yet. I’m only 18. I haven’t even started college yet. I still live with my mother. And even though I’m going to be off on my own in a couple of months, I don’t know what it’s like to be self-sufficient quite yet. My mom cooks for me every night. She does my laundry every once in a while. I don’t have a job. And besides the fact that I rarely ever need money, when I do, I know I’ll have it in a second. I’m stuck inside this bubble. In an overly controlled comfort zone. And I’m wondering what it’s going to be like, doing all of the things I need to survive, everyday, by myself.

As much as I am beginning to embrace change in my life, I’m also in a sense terrified about it. But, I’m going head first into all of this. So bring it on.

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