Bulletproof.

15Mar12

My trip is planned! I have a 6:30 am flight to LA on April 4th. And I’ll be coming back on the 16th. My aunt and cousin are so excited to see me, as am I to see them! Not stoked about the 8-hour flight process, but I’ve handled worse, so I’ll take it. I can’t wait to see my room and finally start putting it together. My mother should be getting her tax return back soon, and I am more than grateful that she is putting it towards a car for me, and other various necessities. Although this is a vacation, I’ll be busy most of the time with school stuff. I have to go to orientation, hopefully be guided on how to register for classes when the time comes, and take a placement test etc. I am glad to finally get a break from NY though.

Discussing negative topics for a slight few minutes… I’ve been having really bad flare ups these past few nights. To the point where I can’t move. When my fibro flares up, it attacks my legs and hands the most. It’s extremely frustrating. I can’t move them to even attempt to soothe the aches. Meh. When it calmed down I took a really long, hot shower. It helped a bit. I’m hoping being in warmer weather will aid with all of that. My mom who’s had this for years, said that whenever she’s in Cali, she feels great. So I think it will help.

More negatives.- I found out that two of my former, but  were relatively close, friends started using coke, and are now shooting up heroin. My heart sunk when my friend had told me. The sad thing is, they are both a couple, and are really great people. The female friend had a drug problem in the past, and had suffered an overdose at a younger age, but had gotten better, or so I had thought. It’s just scary. This whole town, this part of my state, if scaring the fuck out of me. And it breaks my heart. It’s strange, how someone you once thought you knew so well, becomes a total stranger… A completely different human being all together. And it all comes down to using. I can only pray nothing will happen to anyone, but honestly, it’s coming to the point where I’m (knock on wood) waiting for the phone call to hear that someone among my wide variety of acquaintances has died. I don’t deal with death well. And I don’t want to feel like I have to prepare for it for the people I once loved.

Back to positives, on top of everything that’s going on, I’m maintaining happiness, well for the most part. I’m still dealing with..stress, from somethings. And I have been getting very snappy lately. Sometimes I don’t even think twice about it, and it just happens. For example: Some rude, obnoxious, asshole-ish kid in one of my classes, was being a dickhole to my teacher. And on top of him being quite attractive, he’s probably the smartest teacher I have ever encountered, and love hearing his lectures and whatnot. Also considering he’s the only teacher in night-school that actually interacts with a class. So I have a lot of respect for him, and enjoy soaking in his knowledge. Also for the fact that, I’m surrounded by bloody idiots, I enjoy the mind stimulation. ANYWAY. Back to obnoxious asshat, he was being rude. And kept asking the same questions over, and over. (If we could go watch a movie with the other class) (Can we go on break) Etc. He was being a prick. We barely do any work, so it was irritating. And I didn’t mean to, but yelled at him out loud. I told him to shut the fuck up, that he was being rude, and if he didn’t be quiet, I’d jump over the desks and slap the shit out of him. My teacher kind of wide-eyed me, because I barely talk as it is. Which is why me being snappy, is out of the ordinary. I’m a fairly quiet person, and I usually keep to myself. But I was satisfied, because although my teacher told me to calm down, he smiled at me, as in thanking me.

Another thing I was quite proud of myself for was…… Last week, I was in gym class. In school, we have a um, very wide “variety” of students. Some more different than others. Some a lot more out there than others. But I respect them all. There is this one girl, who has a very unique sense of style, is a blatant lesbian, not ashamed of it, and enjoys shaving her head a lot. Again, I have no problem with it, obviously, haha. And she is quite different, but to each their own right? So this guy, was talking shit about the girl in front of me to another guy. He said things like, oh “She’s fucking weird. She probably slits the shit out of her wrists. Shes a freak. I’m sure she’s got a hit list on the whole school. etc. etc.” I almost crapped my pants I was so angry. I turned bright red. One. Because he was being an ignorant fucking asshole. And Two. You don’t talk about people cutting themselves, especially around me. That’s a very sensitive subject. And again, I just blew up without thinking. Normally I wouldn’t open my mouth, but this time I’m glad I did. I just about had him piss his pants though. I started screaming at him. And I said. “You sound like the biggest fucking ignorant asshole on the earth right now.” He asked me almost dumbfounded “who, me?” “Yes. You. You need to shut your fucking mouth. Because you have no idea what is going on in someone’s life. You have no place to even open your mouth. And you know what, people like you, deserve to be number one on that fucking hit list.” (Okay, so my mom told me that wasn’t the best way to address the situation. But I’m pretty sure I made my point.) And my friend started yelling at him too. I was honestly shaking I was so angry. I just don’t understand how some people can be so disgusting. How such a pitiful person like that, has a place on this planet. It’s mind boggling, truly. But I know, I stood up for someone, someone who didn’t have a voice in that situation. And I was proud to be that voice.

BAM. Alright. That got me all excited.  Going to go finish watching movies with my auntie, our normal “night owl” routine. Goodnight!

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